Whaaat?on February 17, 2012 at 1:00 am
I’m not sure, but you should definitely kill yourself.
I’m in a Taylor Dayne cover band called “Great Dayne”. We’re playing in an abandoned Caldor this Tuesday. Could you possibly attend? It’d be great promotion for the band.
Hell no. What you do is awful, and you’re no better than a child pornographer.
My sister Gladys is receiving chemotherapy treatment. Should I do it too?
There’s a new fish in our prison, and I really want him to be my bitch. Should I woo him with cigarettes, or rape him right away?
Uh… pass. Next letter.
How often should I clean out my dream catcher? Will I get nightmares if it clogs up?
I’m enclosing a picture of a very severe rash I have. Does it look serious to you?
Eww! Gross!! I’ll give it to you straight: you’ll be dead in 2 days. Sorry.
I blacked out at a bachelor party last night. I woke up with women’s make-up crudely smeared on my face, used condoms in and around me, and a dirty needle in my thigh. I’m scared I might have something… what should I do?
See the above answer.
I love your advice column, and I think we’d be great friends. Some of my hobbies include making headbands from the elastic waistbands of discarded underpants, and painting the face of Dolph Lundgren on the chests of Lego men. When should we get together?
The f#ck is this?
Well, once again these letters were a disaster. You people are human garbage.